Currently Available
Click here to order Chapin's World: A Mid Amid
Chapin's World: A Mid Amid
In this day and age, humor is a necessity to cope with problems. Life is full of adventures from things you cannot control. It’s time to lighten up and laugh to combat stressful challenges. Laughter and humor help keep things in balance when it seems unfair.
Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid is purely a figment of the author’s warped imagination, so please don’t report him to the authorities because there is nothing that can be done. He was born thinking like this, and it was inevitable that his mind would be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public. Chapin’s World will drag you along with JC, his family, and a few ‘less-than-role-model’ cronies, into but not out, of ‘mid-life.’
Within the pages of Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid you will experience the effects of an aging man as he coached little league baseball, and roam freely in the author’s youthful fantasies about “Gag” the humorist. We interact with chums, Twinkie, Toad, and Guru Clyde, but as a reader, you would do well to avoid taking their advice. No one appears to be safe from the devious disclosures of JC as he unwittingly sorts belongings in a crowd and fends for himself while Sunshine was out of town.
You will take an unscheduled ride from the beginning of ‘mid’ to a Saturday night on main street, be allowed to pass headlong into a world of disastrous fine-dining, and then witness a ‘mid’ overrun by white-tailed deer. Take a walk through the author’s teenage years or suffer through a round of the ‘relaxing game’ You’re sure to discover how the laughter from these antics last longer than chocolate chip cookies around the Chapin house.
Get a firm grip on these pages for a mind-numbing dose of humor. Sadly, Chapin’s World has now become a form of reality to the author, and unfortunately, it may not be possible to curtail his deceitful yarns. JC is determined to find your funny bone even if he must use a chainsaw.
If you haven’t read any good books lately, lower your expectations and read Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid.
Excerpts:
-“Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid > Perspective Evaluation”
“My dire situation stared me right in the face one day at the local supermarket when a little girl of six pointed to me and said, “Look, Mama, a ‘mid-life’ crisis!”
I cringed at the little urchin’s words as her mother eyed me pitifully and hustled her untactful yet truthful offspring down the cereal aisle. I put my jar of peanut butter and a Twinkie on the nearest shelf, and slunk to the door, at which, I apologized to the checkout girl for my unnecessary presence.
I reeled with disbelief! Slowly I regained control of my lower jaw, which had fallen open when my brain was impacted with the little girl’s words. Everything moved in slow motion and was veiled in a bluish blur. I drooled uncontrollably as I fumbled for the pickup keys and, in a manner of speaking, left this world of yours. Life as I had known it was forever gone!”
_____________________________________
“Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid > Constructive Playthings”
I gave the motor more and more gas as I tried to start it. Then, I noticed the chain had popped into at least three hundred and forty-seven pieces, which ricocheted around me like machine gun bullets! (I made a mental note to fix the chain, the first chance I got!
And Ladies, don’t be fooled by the macho titles in this book. Not all these stories concern hunting and fishing. Most tales are about family, marriage, and friendly relationships. You will enjoy a ‘Mid’ making his wife, Sunshine, a cup of tea, delight with Papa gardening with his Grandlings, or morphing his way from a White Knight to a commoner. Join JC and Sunshine in her favorite restaurant, or the escapades of an elementary Sherlock. You, too, can laugh with, and at the author.
Click here to order Chapin's World: Go Stand in the Corner
Chapin's World:
Go Stand in the Corner
The ‘master of Personal disaster’ is back, with his reluctant family, and ‘less-than role model’ friends, to make you laugh out loud.
In his latest attempt of Chapin’s World, fabrications ran the gamut of outlining his family orientation, to the author’s inept deer hunt with his cousin. Chapin also did a little tinkering in his tin shed, suffered more than normal light-headedness on Pike’s Peak, and, as usual, received an ill-advised consultation from his beatnik acquaintance, Guru Clyde.
The reader is taken from babysitting mishaps with a grandchild, a struggle through the author’s military training, to the recollection of a knock-down-drag-out with his children’s pets.
If you haven’t read any good books lately, lower your expectations and be the first and, most likely, the only one on your block to own Chapin’s World: Go Stand in the Corner.
Excerpts:
Excerpt: “Chapin’s World: Go Stand in the Corner > The Gift”
“I went through a stage of life years ago when I was of the opinion that I had a ‘gift of super-powers.’ My undertaking was to identify which particular favor I had been granted.
After several unsuccessful voyages from the top of our chicken coop, it was apparent that I hadn’t received the gift of flight. Obviously, I was not a bird or a plane. I had, however, discovered that I had a high tolerance for pain and discomfort, but that was not a benefaction I desired. So, I soon tired of deliberately hurting myself to have proven one gift, but an absence of another. Finally, I had to admit that, physically, I was as ordinary as a tumbleweed.
Suddenly, I had the revelation that my special gift was one of superior intellect.
Even though my super gift was never revealed, I was taught that I should put a ‘b’ at the end of the word dumb. (But I still considered the spelling to be dum.)
In the years that followed my futile exploration of predominant mastery, I had become addicted to the excitement of lunacy. Hence, the pages of that chapter in Chapin’s world had never completely closed.”
Excerpt: Chapin’s World: Go Stand in the Corner > Fear Not
(On top of Pike’s Peak)
I found an air-tight, unopened bag of cookies in my trunk that had swollen to the size of a beach ball. I determined that it held at least one lung full of chocolate-scented gas. It had come down to a fateful decision – it was either me or the cookies!
I shoved my mouth to the bag, and gnawed through to the lifesaving compressed air.
I glanced around, and saw Sunshine while she cavorted in the parking lot. She darted
from one lookout spot to another, and never breathed deeply.
On the other hand, my chest cavity was too empty to force a request through my vocal chords that I needed an EMT! I gestured to Sunshine that I was headed to the souvenir shop.
I made a somewhat inebriated wobble, blinked without the use of my eyelids, and staggered to the door.
I spotted a bench at the side of the room, and manually-maneuvered my lower extremities in that direction.
Three other flatlanders occupied the bench, and they were undoubtedly in the same
predicament as me, since they were hunched over with heads between their knees. However, I
noticed that their skin had taken on a more desired pinkish flesh color, so I assumed the same profitable position.
Excerpt: Chapin’s World: Go Stand in the Corner > Conflict of Sentiment
(When I reported for testing to prove my qualifications for military service) I was sure to have been unanimously rejected by Uncle Sam.
Not so. After further review, I had been ruled a viable life form.
I passed the mental test because I had the aptitude to nod my head when questioned, and
the physical exam because I had arches in my feet. It was of no consequence that I couldn’t speak in complete sentences, or had the strength required to lift my own weight out of bed each morning.
( Upon my induction)
On the second day we were sworn to allegiance, given a new address, and a serial number replaced our name. We signed and sent mimeographed letters to our parents or guardians which assured them that we were still breathing and well fed.
The dire day of our prescribed potions had arrived. Our bodies were gorged with enough therapeutic substances to make a healthy horse ill. We were vaccinated, which prevented every wartime affliction, with the exception of bullets, bombs, bayonets, and shrapnel.
Note: In case you missed my first book - Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid, it’s now available for the third printing. (My mom and son bought the first two books.)
And, don’t forget about my sixty-day guarantee that your full purchase price has already been squandered on chocolate.
Click here to order Chapin's World: Treasures of the Past
Chapin's World:
Treasures of the Past
There appears to be no course of action that will discourage J. G. Chapin from composing
another volume of tales about his empty and ineffectual psyche. Within the pages of Chapin’s World: Treasures of the Past, you will suffer through endless board games, and travel alongside buffalos and rude dogs. Feel free to jeer at Papa’s inability to decorate for Christmas with the Grandlings or escape the toils of an exercise machine.
Treasures of the Past will drag you through the scream door and allow you to be surrounded by snake killers. Take an unscheduled ride to a home away from home, investigate a blown fuse, and relive a feeble attempt to remove an old-fashioned TV antenna. You won’t know whether to bow before the author or call the caretakers, but, go ahead and turn the pages for a memorable dose of humor in Chapin’s World: Treasures of the Past.
Excerpts:
Excerpt: “Chapin’s World: Treasures of the Past”
Camping with the family (excerpt Woman Over bored)
Something stung my ear.
I reached up, grabbed my left ear and felt a hairy, feathered creature which hung on my lobe. I floundered around and made-up new words, when all of a sudden that tiny creature attached to my ear, actually started to pull me backwards. I flailed my arms and slapped at my ear, but the creature just kept tugging me! I was about to holler at Brad that I needed the bug spray (or an axe) when I saw Leah behind me.
Before I begged her for help, she said, “Is that how you do these fly things, Daddy? Just flap them over your head a time or two, and then jerk?”
Chapin’s weight loss regimen (excerpt Diet, Exercise, and a Sombrero)
I found an advertisement that promised to stimulate weight loss, help my memory, and stabilize my bank balance. It even guaranteed to vitalize my nails, skin, and halt thinning hair.
Another common herb in a miracle food pledged to improve my mood and overall mental functions, and cut my toenails automatically. Some of the smart stuff would ease digestion, eliminate morning stiffness, and change the batteries in my smoke detector.
Teaching Brad to drive (excerpt Standing Tall)
Things went well until I vaguely heard, “zero!” I suppose some would have assumed that ‘Mutt’ could hit 85 miles per hour in first gear, but I didn’t. Nor had I foreseen a g-force strong enough to dislodge freckles.
As we left the launch pad with a combination of hops and sputters, Brad equaled his time between being buried in his stack of pillows and having his head bounced on the cab ceiling. Everything seemed airborne except Leah because her shin guards were hooked under the seat adjustment lever.
Poor old Mutt wasn’t even aware that three hops back his motor had died. But not for long, when the old jalopy finally fired on all cylinders my life flashed by me as fast as the fence posts!
As I retrieved my eyeglasses from the back of my collar, I noticed Brad had gone for a power shift to second gear.
“Wait!” I said as I removed my top lip from the gaps in my teeth. “Slow down while I find Leah.”
Note: In case you missed my first book - Chapin’s World: A Mid Amid, it’s now available for the third printing. (My mom and son bought the first two books.)
And, don’t forget about my sixty-day guarantee that your full purchase price has already been squandered on chocolate.
